Relieved! Husband’s ‘Fantasy’ is Extramarital Affair, Not Fantasy Football

CLEVELAND, OH—Local woman Karen Mitchell, 38, was reportedly “devastated at first” after overhearing her husband, Todd, mention the word “fantasy” in hushed tones during a phone call late Tuesday evening. Fearing the worst, Karen quietly steeled herself for the impending heartbreak of discovering Todd was deeply involved in… fantasy football.

“I heard him say something about ‘role playing’ and ‘trades,’ and I thought, ‘Oh God, not this. Anything but this.’ I didn’t marry a guy who obsesses over a fake football roster,” Karen shared, visibly still shaken from the close call. “But then, as I listened more closely, I realized he was talking about some other woman. What a relief.”

Karen admitted her mind was racing through possible scenarios: imagining Todd spending hours at the computer, tweaking lineups, obsessing over waiver wires, and yelling at the TV about players she’d never heard of. “I just couldn’t take the thought of him becoming one of those guys who wastes his whole Sunday on something that could ruin our life together,” she said. “But when I found out he was just cheating on me? I mean, at least that’s a real relationship.”

Todd, who is currently staying at a friend’s house “to clear his head,” was unaware of the crisis Karen narrowly avoided. “Yeah, it turns out she’s not that mad about the affair at all,” Todd said in disbelief. “She was actually relieved that I wasn’t having some kind of virtual football obsession. She even thanked me for keeping it simple with an affair.”

Karen later elaborated on why she felt relieved by her discovery. “It’s not that I want my husband to be unfaithful,” she clarified, “but anything is better than watching him agonize over his fantasy lineup every week. We’d lose entire weekends to him muttering about running backs. At least with this affair, I won’t have to hear about injury reports and sleeper picks.”

She went on to explain that a fantasy football obsession would have been a huge turn-off, noting that she’d “rather deal with a mistress than a man who won’t shut up about his bench scoring more than his starters.”

“It’s embarrassing enough when your husband forgets your anniversary, but if he did that because he was tracking how many points some tight end scored in garbage time? I don’t know if I could ever forgive that.”

At press time, Karen was taking a “wait and see” approach regarding Todd’s affair, explaining, “Honestly, as long as it’s not a fantasy football league, I think we can work through it. Maybe now we can even have real conversations again, you know, without stats and roster updates.”

Sources say Todd was overheard sighing, “Maybe I should have just joined a league.”