New Concussion Protocol Requires A Capella Version of ‘Yellow Ledbetter’ Before Returning to Field

The NFL, continuing its commitment to player safety, has unveiled its latest concussion protocol requirement: players must sing an a capella rendition of Pearl Jam’s enigmatic song “Yellow Ledbetter” before they are allowed to return to the field. While the league believes this step will ensure only the most coherent individuals are cleared for play, many in the sports world are calling it a step too far.

“I can’t sing that song without a concussion. Nobody can. I don’t think Eddie Vedder even knows the words to that song,” said one anonymous player. And he might have a point. Widely regarded as one of Pearl Jam’s most indecipherable songs, “Yellow Ledbetter” has baffled listeners for years. What was clearly a last-minute addition to the B-side of the band’s 1992 single “Jeremy” may not have been a finished product at all. Many speculate that Vedder’s vocals were merely gibberish placeholders while the band worked on finalizing the lyrics—lyrics that, to this day, may not actually exist.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell addressed the skepticism in a recent press conference. “This song was not sung by a coherent person,” Goodell stated. “I’ve wanted to know what was being said in that song for most of my life. I thought maybe only an incoherent person could interpret it. And guess where we have an unending supply of incoherent people?” He then pointed at the NFL badge on his breast pocket while making a whistling noise.

The new protocol has stirred considerable backlash from the players association, with many questioning the rationale behind the decision. “This is an unnecessary hurdle, especially for players who’ve never even heard the song. Hell…most of these men weren’t even born when the song came out” one players’ rep remarked. “We already have a rigorous process in place. Adding a song—one nobody understands—is absurd.”

With its vague, mumbled lines and melodic beauty, “Yellow Ledbetter” might be one of the hardest songs for even healthy players to perform, let alone those suffering from a concussion. Still, as the NFL continues to push the boundaries of safety protocol, this new requirement might be the most confusing development yet—though for Goodell, the hope remains clear: to finally unlock the cryptic message Vedder has kept hidden for decades.

It seems, for now, that the safety of players will come second only to solving one of rock music’s greatest lyrical mysteries.

Goodell remains unmoved, “I don’t care if they have to learn the song,” he said. “I need to know what those lyrics say.”